


first day of my life

by hazyfog



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Domestic, Fluff, Gen, Male Pronouns for Asra (The Arcana), Mild Hurt/Comfort, asra has my whole heart..., asra just really loves the apprentice, brief mentions of panic attacks/ anxiety, major spoilers for asra's route, no pronouns for the apprentice, prequel to main story events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26067880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazyfog/pseuds/hazyfog
Summary: "Yours was the first face that I sawI think I was blind before I met youAnd I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've beenBut I know where I want to go"The apprentice wakes up in Asra's arms, their first memory is of his face and it seems that maybe they were always meant to be together.
Relationships: Apprentice/Asra (The Arcana), Asra (The Arcana)/Original Character(s), Asra (The Arcana)/Reader, Asra (The Arcana)/You
Comments: 7
Kudos: 72





	first day of my life

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of a companion piece to my other Asra oneshot, inspired by the song "First Day Of My Life" by Bright Eyes which is, in my opinion, THE Asra/Apprentice song. Read for lots of comfort and slight angst as Asra helps the apprentice recover and find out who they are again. This was written with my apprentice Beatrice in mind but there aren't any gendered pronouns or names used so please feel free to think of your apprentice as you read!! 
> 
> also this is edited.. but not super well lol so i might reupload at some point (i'm the queen of comma splices i'm sorry) and i might write more and turn this into a series to sort of explore what happens after the story of The Arcana ends!

The first thing you can remember is a face. The details are indistinct, the face out of focus, but you remember the eyes- purple.

The next few months are a blur. You don’t know who you are or where you are, and trying to remember hurts. A lot. The only constants in your life are painful headaches and a person with purple eyes. He says his name is Asra. You remember testing the name on your tongue, the first word you’ve said since waking up. He smiled at that, purple eyes scrunching up. He looks nice when he smiles, you hope you get to see him do it more because most of the time his face is downcast and very serious. 

For the first few weeks you’re nearly bed bound, you feel so weak that you have to be propped up by a pile of pillows. Asra says you had an accident but doesn’t give any details. You don’t remember having an accident, you don’t have any aches, you aren’t missing any limbs, even though your body is weak the pain seems to reside solely in your head. Sometimes you wonder how you got here and who Asra is, but those thoughts bring the headaches so mostly you just sleep and listen to Asra. He tells you stories constantly, and although you can understand him easily it seems you can’t talk much aside from simple one word answers. His stories are always about magic and about the wonderful, exciting places he says he’s been to. You often wonder if he’s telling the truth, and if these places really exist. When you ask him about his stories, or about himself, he just changes the subject.

Walking is hard. The first time you try to get up from bed Asra has his back turned and only notices you’re up when he hears the loud thud of you immediately crumpling to the floor. From then on he keeps an even closer watch on you, supporting you when you need to get up and eventually while he helps you learn to walk again. Asra has to do everything for you and at times it's frustrating because you can remember, somehow, that you were once able to do all of these simple actions on your own. He has to feed you until your arms get strong enough to hold a utensil, he has to walk with you everywhere, even to the bathroom, until after weeks of practice you finally manage to take shaky steps on your own.

Asra is so happy at every milestone, constantly praising your progress and helping you without complaint. You don’t know who he is, but you’re glad he's there with you. You learn to walk, then to talk in complete sentences, and eventually he teaches you to read and write. It’s slow going at first but once you have the basics down your mind seems to snap into place and you’re able to read books by yourself after a few months. He is so kind to you, never making you feel like a burden or like you’re stupid. He’s just always there when you need him, even sleeping on the couch next to your bed in case you need him during the night.

As you begin to regain your independence Asra begins to leave the apartment more, he always tells you he’s just going down to the shop. You wonder how going to buy groceries, or whatever it is he goes to this “shop” for, could take so long but he’s often gone for hours at a time. Your constant companion is usually Faust, Asra’s snake who he seems to have full conversations with at times. You certainly haven’t heard her speak before but she’s a comforting presence coiled around your neck or wrist as you wait for Asra to come back. When he returns he’s always happy to see you and asks what you’ve read that day, sometimes he brings you gifts like pumpkin bread, which you’ve decided is your favorite food, or a new book. 

Your favorite books are all about magic, some of them even seem like technical how-to books. At first it never occurs to you that magic could be real, but over time you start to notice that sometimes Asra does things that you can’t explain. You complain that it’s too cold in the room and are suddenly comfortably warm, you get a paper cut one day and after Asra grabs your hand to look at it it’s suddenly healed. You usually chalk it up to your brain fog or a trick of the light because thinking about it too hard just causes more headaches.

Sometimes he takes you out for walks around the city, Vesuvia, he tells you it’s called. You love those walks and the lively markets and people you meet along the way. Asra seems to be well known in the neighborhood but he doesn’t ever stop to talk. Sometimes people call your name and you look around in confusion before Asra quickly pulls you away to show you another part of the city. You can’t get enough of the feeling of sun on your skin and fresh air in your lungs after so long inside. You ask Asra if you can go on a walk by yourself sometime but he gets upset and starts to rattle off a list of the potential dangers that could face you in the city alone. It seems pretty clear that he doesn’t want to leave you alone, except when he disappears to the shop which you’ve discovered is the room below the apartment. 

It’s full of strange looking herbs and bottles and there's a room blocked off by curtains that you’ve still never seen. When you ask Asra what everything is he simply says “Magic” and won’t elaborate when you try to ask him questions. He doesn’t let you wander around the shop alone either and usually insists that you spend the bulk of your day resting.

“You’re still recovering” He offers as reason for his protective behavior. He seems constantly worried about you, always making sure you’re eating enough and asking how your headaches are. As time goes on they start to lessen, but sometimes you’ll be hit by one out of nowhere. You’re frustrated by his overprotection sometimes, but he’s right that you’re still recovering. You’re not weak anymore but your brain does sometimes seem to short circuit, leaving you confused and disoriented. Vesuvia is confusing enough with Asra by your side, so you’re in agreement with Asra’s concerns - for now. 

One night however, you discover how real magic is. Sometimes you have really bad nightmares that leave you screaming and sobbing when you wake up. You can never remember what happens in the dreams, but you’re always left with a sense of loss and longing like you’re missing something important, and a headache. You almost always have a headache. No matter how bad the dream is, Asra is always there on the couch next to the bed ready to comfort you. He gives you lots of hugs which were foreign at first but by now you’ve come to love the physical comfort that hugging Asra brings. He’ll sit on the bed next to you and hold you as you cry. He doesn’t ever ask what the nightmares are about, and it’s not like you could tell him anyways. Sometimes he brews a strange smelling tea that makes you fall into a deep and dreamless sleep, some nights it’s the only way you can find rest. 

On this particular night, you wake yourself up screaming and look frantically for Asra in the dark but he’s not there. You call out for him in a panic, scared by the dark void of the room which still feels unfamiliar at times. When he still hasn’t come after a few frantic moments you start to sob and throw your head under the blankets. He’s never not been there before. You’re scared to be all alone in the dark but you’re too panicked and confused to get out of bed and fumble for a candle and a match to light it. You think of how the candles light automatically when Asra enters the room and wish that you could do that too. If you could just see maybe you wouldn’t feel so afraid, maybe you could look for Asra. You take a deep breath to steady yourself and throw the blankets off to stand up. You swallow your fear and fumble your way into what you think is the center of the room. 

You remember reading in one of your books that magic is simply will and intent, you want something to happen so you make it happen. You’re not sure at this point if you even believe magic is real, but you're willing to try anything. Throwing your arms out you yell “Light!”

Nothing happens.

Your fear is a living thing, hurting your chest as it claws at your speeding heart. You take more deep breaths to calm down, a technique Asra taught you once. You’re determined to try again even as you stare into the terrifying nothingness of the room.

“I said LIGHT!” You nearly scream this time, turning a full circle as you throw your arms out wildly at the room. Suddenly the room is flooded with light and as you stand there blinking at the brightness you hear the noise of the apartment door opening. You turn to see Asra, and Faust coiled around his neck, staring at you with eyes wide in disbelief. 

“Asra! I did magic!” You exclaim, running over to him forgetting your fear that he hadn’t been there only moments before. He throws his arms around you and laughs. After a few seconds the laughter becomes hysterical until you suddenly feel his face grow wet where it’s pressed against your cheek.

“Asra?” You pull back to look at his face. He’s smiling but his eyes are quickly filling with tears. “Are you… not happy?” He laughs again and rubs the back of his hand over his eyes. 

“No no, I’m more than happy!” He grins. “I wasn’t sure you’d ever do magic again.” That comment makes you pause, again? Once more you’re left wondering who you were before all of this, and how Asra knows you. He seems too distracted to notice your confusion, and slight twinge of pain, at his remark. The look in his eyes is something you can’t place, it warms your heart in a somehow familiar way and you suddenly find yourself brought to tears along with him. 

From that night on he begins to teach you magic. You’d been right about him and the uncanny abilities he possessed and he finally shows you around the shop downstairs, explaining what everything is and how to make each of the items. He starts you off small, creating balls of light, warming and cooling, herbal remedies. Eventually he shows you his collection of more advanced magic books and you begin to study more difficult spells and concepts. It seems to come so easily to you and within a few months, around a year since you’ve been with Asra, you’re helping him in the store full time. Everytime he watches you do magic from the simplest of charms to a difficult spell or complicated potion he looks amazed. You catch him watching you multiple times a day from the corner of your eye with the same look in his eyes that he had the first time he watched you light the candles in your room. 

He begins to trust you more, asking you to run errands and pick things up from the market. He even starts bringing you along to forage for potion supplies. Life begins to find a rhythm and you begin to feel like you have a sense of self now. You have friends around town, like the baker who makes your favorite pumpkin bread. You have favorite shops, favorite places to sit and enjoy the scenery, likes and dislikes. You discover fashion and have fun looking at fabric and clothes with Asra, who seems partial to his colorful layers of scarves while you usually favor more practical clothing. Your customers and people in town start calling you “the apprentice” and it seems to be an apt title. You start calling Asra “master” as is the custom, not noticing the wince he gives every time you use the title. 

Eventually he shows you his tarot deck and you immediately feel a connection to it. It’s not as strong as his connection is, and you still find it difficult to really “hear” what the cards are telling you but you feel confident enough to begin giving readings to customers when Asra is busy. One night after the shop is closed and Asra has gone upstairs to make some tea you decide to ask the cards about your past. It’s been a while since you’ve thought about those questions, caught up in your new daily routine and the joy of learning magic. You haven’t had a headache in weeks and you’ve decided that perhaps thinking about the past might not hurt so much now.

You shuffle through the deck and pull one card, the fool. A voice behind you says “What do the cards have to say?” and you whirl around to see Asra standing in the doorway with a smile on his face.

“I can’t hear anything.” You say in dismay, it seems there will be no more answers tonight.

“Well, the fool represents new beginnings, a blank slate. Perhaps the fool is asking you to forge your own path.” He suggests, pulling the card out of your hand to inspect it. That makes sense, actually, and you start to ponder how the card could relate to you. 

“Come on, enough magic for today. Let’s go to bed.” Asra says, offering a hand to help you out of your chair. 

You don’t know exactly when you and Asra began sharing a bed, but it was soon after you started studying magic. The two of you would stay up late sitting together and poring over magical books, discussing theories and new ideas over cups of tea. Eventually one or both of you would fall asleep and it just became normal to fall asleep in the same bed. You’re quite used to his physical comfort after all this time and his presence seems to drive away your bad dreams. It’s normal for the two of you to wake up intertwined, Faust usually coiled half around each of you. 

It’s nice, this domesticity. You and Asra work as a team, splitting tasks and settling into your roles. He’s better at cooking, and after a few failed attempts to teach you it becomes apparent that he should continue to be the one who cooks, so he always makes breakfast in the mornings while you begin setting up the shop for the day. You tag team in the shop, working around and with each other to help customers, prepare items, and do readings. Your routine is like a dance at this point and you love the comfort that comes from having a place in the world.

Now that you feel like a competent person, and more importantly, a competent magician, life seems brighter. Asra smiles more, you even begin to hear Faust when she speaks and the two of you have become closer. But sometimes when you’re laughing with a customer or focused on a spell you look up and notice Asra looking sad and withdrawn. When you ask him what’s wrong he just shakes his head and smiles “Everything's perfect!” but you don’t always believe him.

Two years after waking up from your accident Asra starts going on trips. He tells you that he trusts you to run the shop and to take care of yourself, but he never tells you where he’s going or when exactly he’ll return. You don’t like it when he leaves, it feels too empty in the shop even though he’s always sure to leave Faust with you to keep you company. Nights are especially hard as you’re used to sleeping next to him. He always seems sad when he leaves, and you begin to ask when he’ll take you with him. He always just good naturedly changes the subject and eventually you give up asking. He seems much happier after getting home from his trips at least, always greeting you with a hug and telling you how much he missed you while he was away. 

On a cold night in the middle of your third year with Asra he tells you he’s going on another trip. You help him pack the small bag he takes with him, how he can survive on these long trips with so little you have no idea, but you assume it must be magic. It’s a foggy night in Vesuvia and you can’t help but wish he wasn’t leaving so you could enjoy a cup of tea and a cozy night in together. You walk him down to the shop and watch as he gathers a few random ingredients and books, sticking them into his bag.

“I’ll miss you.” He says with a sad smile.

“Must you leave tonight?” You pout.

“It’s the dead of a moonless night. The right time for beginning a journey.” He explains. “Here… take this, for you to play around with while I’m gone.”

He hands you his tarot deck.

“You think I’m ready for this?” You ask, he never leaves his deck unattended.

“You’ve made incredible progress, but you still haven’t let go of your doubts… Do you think you’re ready?” He smiles, always leaving the answers up to you.

You think you finally are. 

There’s a knock on the door and you both ponder at the late hour, but then he leaves through the back door with a final farewell and it's just you. You decide to open the door.

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

Over the course of the next few weeks you accomplish things you never could have imagined. You meet people who you know will become lifelong friends, you free a man from facing punishment for a crime he didn't commit, you travel through the Arcana realms, you even manage to bind the Devil himself. Asra’s with you the entire time, and by the end of it things have changed. You’ve started to remember.

You love Asra, you always have. And he’s always loved you. All of his glances over the last three years, his concern, his care for you - it was love, it’s always been love.

The first time he kisses you in the Magician’s realm you feel everything shift. This is what you were missing, Asra is what you’ve been missing. All of your nightmares over the last three years have been about losing him. As you fall back into love with him during your journey you start to remember snippets of your life before. Arriving at your Aunt’s shop, meeting Asra at the masquerade, becoming friends and then becoming more.

Unfortunately this also means you remember what happened to you, the sickness that came to Vesuvia. You remember the arguments you had with Asra who wanted to leave, but you refused. He couldn’t understand why you wanted to risk yourself to help so eventually, he left you behind, both of you too stubborn to do what the other thought was best. You worked to find a cure and, perhaps inevitably, you got the plague and you died. 

But Asra brought you back. His love for you was enough to raise the dead.

You can’t help but feel that you were always meant to love Asra, that you are meant to be together. He gave up half of his heart to bring you back and that heart now beats in you. You will not be separated from him again, this you’re sure of. After the chaos dies down all you want is to be by his side.

It’s the final night of the masquerade, which is now being held in your honor at Nadia’s insistence. You’re not quite sure you like all of the attention but you’re glad to have a chance to celebrate with all of your loved ones. Asra’s been reunited with his parents and he seems whole now, every trace of sadness and worry gone from his eyes. You watch from a distance as he converses excitedly with them in the corner of the ballroom. Your other friends are all dancing, except for Muriel who is probably off hibernating in the woods after all of the forced social interactions he’s had to deal with in the last few days. Julian is doing some sort of tango with a random partygoer who seems to be trying to avoid getting hit in the face with Julian’s beaked mask. Portia and Nadia are dancing an intimate looking waltz, their dance actually fits the music that's currently being played (though Julian doesn’t seem to mind).

Your heart feels so full it might burst as you look at all of the people you’ve come to love. Three years ago you could never have imagined the feeling you have right now, you know you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. Though you may never get all of your memories back you’re glad that you have so many wonderful people to make new memories with. Eventually you’re broken from your reverie by a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“You look happy.” Asra says, wrapping his arm around you. His eyes are sparkling and the way he’s smiling at you has you nearly melting into the polished floors.

“I’m more than happy.” You smile back, trying to convey all of your love through your eyes the way he’s doing. He chuckles and pulls you in for a kiss. You do melt then as he wraps his arms around your waist and holds you closer. Both of you are smiling too hard for it to be a proper kiss and when you pull back for air you smile even bigger and he laughs again and presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. 

“I love you.” He whispers, just for you to hear.

“I love you.” You will never get tired of hearing those words, of saying those words.

“Shall we go get some air?” He asks, disentangling himself from your embrace but grabbing your hand. He leads you out to the veranda and the coolness of the evening is refreshing after being in the packed ballroom for so long. For a while you both stand there just taking in the evening and the beautiful view of the gardens, basking in each other's company. Asra still holds your hand in his, running his thumb over yours in a comforting gesture. 

“I wonder what adventures we’ll get up to next.” He says after a while. 

“Where you go, I’ll go.” You reply. Your tone is light but you meet his eyes with intensity. “I don't want to be away from you again.”

“Not even the Devil himself could pull me away from you.” He smiles.

“And not even death.” You can’t help but add.

“No, not even death could separate us.” He agrees, moving his hand up to gently cup your face. He doesn’t seem so troubled by this mention of the past anymore and it gives you hope that the both of you can move on.

“We have the whole future in front of us, we can go anywhere, do anything.” 

“As long as it’s with you, I’m up for anything.” He murmurs. “My love, my heart…” he leans in to kiss you and this time you try to contain your smile and kiss him properly. It’s hard when all you want to do is grin, but you manage. One kiss becomes two, then three and before you know it your hands have moved to his hair and his hand is wandering below where it had been resting on the small of your back and you’re too caught up in him to think, to breathe. You’re brought back to reality with the sounds of a whooping cheer and clapping.

“YEAHHHH!” It’s Julian, beaked mask off and definitely a little past drunk. Distantly you hear Portia reprimand him, you think you hear a muffled “Ow.” as she punches his arm and drags him back inside. You’re too caught up in Asra to really care although Asra looks like he’s considering throwing a punch himself. You reach up to run a hand down the side of his cheek and to turn his face back to meet you. His eyes snap away from the door and back to yours with a smile and you quickly resume your previous activities. 

“Should we go somewhere a little more… devoid of plague doctors.” You suggest after a few minutes when it becomes apparent that perhaps some of your current actions are not entirely appropriate to be doing on a veranda in full view of a party. 

“I love the way you think.” He smiles, a glint of mischief in his eyes. You quickly make your excuses to Nadia and the rest of your friends, who all seem to give you a knowing glance, and leave the party. Both of you just want to go home and the carriage ride can’t pass quickly enough. When you finally arrive at the shop neither of you realize it, too caught up in each other that the carriage driver has to knock on the door.

“Uhm.. ahem.. We’ve arrived.” The driver says, poking their head through the open door. You break off from the heated kiss you’d been pressing to Asra’s neck with a blush.

“Oh! I’m sorry. Let’s go Asra.” You say embarrassedly, pulling him out of the carriage with you. You thank the driver and are left standing outside the shop, hand in hand with Asra. It feels like years since you’ve been home and you can’t help but feel that even the shop itself has changed somehow over the last few days. You hear Asra laugh and look over at him a moment too late to catch him reach out to pick you up. 

“I’m taking you home properly.” He says, holding you bridal style. He’s deceptively strong and holds you easily but you still struggle briefly in his arms, both of you laughing too much for the moment to be serious as he unlocks the door and removes the wards. 

“I’m already home.” You murmur, thinking of how home really is wherever Asra is. You’ve been so many beautiful places and seen so many wonderful things over the last few days but you know that your favorite place of all will always be in Asra’s arms, you woke up there three years ago and there you will stay. He’s given you another chance and in this life you plan on loving him with every piece of the heart he gave you.


End file.
